u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
