something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i drank out of a bidet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
