tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
