Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
