He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
