he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my shit smells like andre
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
