he laminated a picture of his dick.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
