I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
