Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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