My nipple is on Facebook.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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