Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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