At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
