I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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