She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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