i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
