Christians are straight up FREAKS
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
