So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
