When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
