I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
