i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
