It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
