i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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