is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
