i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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