3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i will never coherently bang her
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
