Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
