i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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