btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
