How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
