Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
