You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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