I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
