It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
