So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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