kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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