i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize