The maid of honor just puked.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
