i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
