...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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