My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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