I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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