Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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