I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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