I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
