i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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