I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
