i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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