I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
