I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
