haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
