Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
