tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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