he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
