Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize