I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
