mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
