My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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