just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
