just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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