Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
