Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
