I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
