I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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