see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
